11 Red Flags To Avoid In A Relationship

Hi, welcome to 2021. I’m sorry it took me so long to make a post, but I’m back stronger and ready to serve you better. Since it’s a new year and I want you to have everything figured out by the grace and the help of the Holy Spirit I think it’s better we start the year with noticeable red flags in a relationship.

It’s still the beginning of the year and with valentine approaching some of us are going to dive into relationships with a closed eye. I hope we are ready to make things work; we are ready to make relationships work and we’re ready to leave relationships that are not working. I also hope setting a godly relationship is a part of the goals you have this year, and I hope that subscribing to the Newsletter will be a blessing to every one of us that visit here. Again I want to say a big thank you for last year— I wouldn’t have done this without you guys.

Disclaimer

While trying to set some things working on the blog yesterday I mistakenly did something wrong and I’m still trying to get the hang of it. Thank you for always visiting, imagine being a blogger without an audience. My God!!!🙀

WHAT ARE RED FLAGS?

Valentine is coming, you are sitting at home, where is your boyfriend? That song has been ringing a bell in my head since last night. Red flags are signs that warn you, they are signs that tell you to hold on! Stop! In a relationship; red flags are signs that try to stop your heart from moving too fast and get your brains functioning well. Now that we have an idea of what I’m talking about, let’s see the possible red flags in a relationship!

Let me tell y’all a short story, last year I met a guy on Facebook and he insisted we meet, and after giving a handful of excuses I decided to meet with him. The first day was funny! This guy talked a lot about himself. It felt like he needed a therapist and I was the catch— only that I was leaving with no extra dollars. I was still trying to understand and not judge him off when he hit the last straw; he spoke ill of my church, my mentor, my tiny voice, about the girls In my church being too godly, and then he added it all up by telling me he wanted to marry me. No way! ( I just said that too)

I still gave him a benefit of a doubt. We met the second time cause he kept asking and I was trying to be kind. We couldn’t tolerate each other the second date, I had to leave.

Here are a list of 11 red flags you should avoid at all cost:

DIFFERENT BELIEFS

The Bible asked if two can work together except they agree. Meeting someone who has a different belief about life, about God is dangerous. You guys are going to spend all the days of the relationship trying to understand each other. When it comes to what counts the most you’re going to disagree every single time and it’s going to wear you off.

SELF-ORIENTED

when all they do is talk about themselves, defend only themselves, their hobbies, their likes, their do’s, their don’t, their achievements, and they don’t even try to listen to you. Or when they do, they take it for granted. Imagine going out with a lady or a guy and all they do all day is tell you how expensive their clothes are, or the worth of the food they are buying you. Self-oriented people tend to chat a lot. They care more about themselves than they do for you.

HOW THEY TREAT OTHERS

They treat you nicely but are hostile to others; I always try to take note of how the people I like treat others. Does he hit his sister when he’s mad, how does he speak to the waiter serving you guys, if he has workers under him, take note of how he talks to them! Watch how she treats her friends and what she has to say about them. Everybody can’t be bad in a person’s story. Do they exaggerate little things, are they completely sincere to you, or they’re just trying to get you on their good side. They treat their families poorly and you think they will continue treating you well?

THEY NEVER APOLOGIZE

You’ve been enduring everything they toss at you, even when they are wrong they don’t apologize, you always have to apologize to get rid of the awkwardness.

THEY KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP A SECRET

Now this can be a bit confusing, some want an open relationship and others want to keep it quiet. But you need to understand that there is a difference between keeping it private and keeping a secret. When people say they want a private relationship what they mean is; they want it known by only your close cycle, and they don’t want to be involved in a public display of affection. Don’t mistake a private relationship for a secret relationship 🙅🏼‍♀‍. Don’t get in isolation for a heartbreak tomorrow. No matter how private your relationship is— there should always be friends and a few families aware of it, you also need to submit under authority.

THEY ARE NEGATIVE ABOUT EVERYTHING

When you’ve to make a tough choice, and they don’t always have positive things to say about it. They are more interested in the risks involved than the chances, they are negative about everyone around them, they talk ill of people, they always have something bad to say.

THEY FLIRT WITH OTHER PEOPLE

This is a red flag. I have heard people say ‘ I’m not supposed to put all my eggs in one basket, as long as we are not married I have to be open to receive other people— what if he doesn’t or she doesn’t marry me?’ Love is a choice, when you make a choice the other option is no longer available to you. Flirting with others can and will make your partner feel insecure. There is no safety with a partner that flirts in a relationship, I’m afraid he will do the same in marriage. He flirts with other girls but he will never cheat on me. Good for you, but what about the hearts he is leading on and will eventually break.

VERBAL ABUSE

I have and will always say this, words hit faster than a fist. Words use wrongly hurts the most. The pain of physical abuse may disappear, but words never get forgotten when used wrongly. They remain and grow with us. Verbal abuse is a red flag, it screams all the signs. Her words can make you feel like a man or less of it.

PHYSICAL ABUSE

AH! I remember when one of my friends got hit by her boyfriend for the first time, we were so young— I was scared for her when she threw away all of our advice and decided to continue with him. But he did hit her again, and again, and again. A blend of verbal and physical abuse broke her into different pieces and then he left! Well, we are glad he didn’t kill her since we couldn’t split them up. How much should you endure? Please flee my dear, flee the first time and never return!

But then I hear it’s a different ball game when you are married; your pastors will tell you to endure it, your mother will tell you to hide the scars that’s how men are, your married friends will tell you that marriage is tough, wear some concealer to church. This is all I have to say; the Bible says God hates divorce, the Bible didn’t say divorce is a sin. You need to be alive to serve God, you need to be alive to look after does beautiful kids of yours, you need to!

BLAMING ONE ANOTHER

I can go on and on with red flags. I’m sure you’ve observed red flags in your relationship that I haven’t mentioned. But you see, when y’all get to the stage where you go on blaming one and another; no one is ready to take responsibility, no one is ready to make it right. Please quit blaming or quit the relationship if you both can’t agree. There is no respect and submission in that union. Sadly, most times we ignore red flags and dive straight into marriage, then childbirth, and our children live all their lives watching a broken home. When we are broken— we raise children that look like us, and become us with similar decisions we make!!!
Haven’t you heard that women who’ve been abused by their parents are likely to marry an abusive man? It all starts with you and me!

CONTROLLING AND MANIPULATIVE

One spouse can not control everything all the time. That’s not how it works. If they always manipulate and control you, you are going to get drained and tired.

Now it’s not so easy to tell people to quit, cause we all observe red flags at different stages:

• The getting to know each other stage
• The in a relationship stage
• The marriage stage

If you are just getting to know each other, it’s easy to pick your shoes and run as fast as you can from that person, it’s a bit difficult when you are ready to date and even physically involved with your lover, but you can still brace up and walk out for a better tomorrow.

Love is blind but marriage will open your eyes.

Pastor Ejimi ADEGBEYE

Like I said earlier, it’s a different ball game when you are married. So choose your game wisely, don’t tolerate it all through to come and quit in a marriage where they are kids to hurt and families to fight, end it at an early stage. If you are already married, then you need to pray to God, ask the Holy Spirit for direction, seek counseling, and if you have to get a divorce that’s not the end of life.

What are other red flags you’ve observed? Are you for or against divorce in a case of physical abuse? Have you had to flee from a relationship because of the many red flags?

This year, I intend for the blog to be very engaging, so please don’t just like and leave, drop a comment and share this posts. Now, if you look at the top bar, you are going to see a suggestion box. You can directly request that I write about a particular topic, or even drop your corrections there. I want to hear from you!

Love, Lima❤️