So, this is supposed to be embarrassing but I am more than excited to be sharing this with you.
I’m sharing four mistakes I made that made me question the possibility of finding true love and settling down.
I have heard people say “Keep dating until you find the right one.”
Well, you might end up dating every lady or guy in the world and still not find the right one but thank God we are not of the world and we do not have to date like those in it…
Sadly, I grew up catching feelings.
Nobody told me the Do’s and Don’t to obey if you end up on his check-list or already in a relationship, so I got into a number of relationships in an attempt to feel loved,valued and appreciated.
Before I gave my life to Christ I already harboured four relationships. I can’t say they were good but I don’t think I had any expectations aside to feel the emotions, neither any knowledge of how a man should treat me aside what I learned from the society.
Growing up with a single mum didn’t help either, I had no expectations from a man… In my place it is considered normal for a man to misbehave, leave his home, start drinking or abandon his responsibilities as a man and so I was always told that a man can only catch feelings for a short period of time and when it gets tough he walks away and it’s alright… Very wrong!
Today, I am grateful for the word of God, spiritual fathers, mentors and counselors through them I have been enlightened and there is a shift of paradigms and I’m walking towards victory.
I am also grateful that today I can talk about my past without any hurt or regrets cause I know that I’m truly forgiven, redeemed and chosen. Christ died for my salvation.
Four mistakes I made that Will make you question love;
Chasing the man;
Now don’t get me wrong I didn’t go after any man to express how I felt but once they do express their feelings, I try to be the keeper.
“I try hard to preserve and protect what we have” as important as it it to keep the love going, you have to let the man be the man.
You can set the pace but you have to still let him be the man, he is to lead you and not the other way round.
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.
Proverbs 11:14 KJV
I didn’t seek out my parents, authorities or any form of counsel from leaders who have gone ahead and have fruits. I wasn’t bothered to pray about it an let God in, I just wanted to be loved and feel love.
A number of us are on this table, afraid to seek counsel, why?
Four reasons lovers are afraid to seek counsel;
- They are not dating the right person and they know it.
- They are in a toxic relationship.
- They are afraid of commitment and are only in for fun.
- They hate to be corrected and supervised. In this case, both of them lack the ability to submit and honour authority.
Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.
Proverbs 19:20 KJV
When you receive counsel, you receive understanding and when you have understanding of a thing you have gained wisdom in that area. Wise men fly by instructions!
We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.
Psalms 55:14 KJV
From Bae to Mama;
“Hello, how are you ?”
“Have you eaten?”
“Are you hungry?”
“Where are you?”
“What time did you get home last night?”
“What time did you go to bed last night?” Darling you are bothering him, don’t get lost in kindness that you forget to give the man some space to breathe.
A man is comfortable telling you things when you don’t ask, I’m not saying you should care less but care wisely. I mean he gets pissed off when his mother’s does that all the time, let her handle the pissing him off part and give him peace.
Ask wisely, don’t be on his neck all the time. let him want to talk to you and sometimes let the kindness out and shower him with it but make him also miss it and want more… I mean, a man want everything he cant get!
Notice how men don’t easily give up on ladies that reject them, they want to figure it out. Why, what happened, what went wrong?
It’s important that you understand the kind of man you are dating, it’s possible that Raymond enjoys answering a lot of questions from bae but Henry gets angry and feels like bae has trust issues and she’s insecure when she asks incessantly.
Understand your man and what works for him.
If he is a king type he expect a go to gal with a blend of servant girl in her. Understand which of the images of the father he is.
Most times I forget how to be a lady and become his nanny, the dimension of a mother is in every woman but a man whom you are dating doesn’t need the mother in you yet!
I had no idea what being single meant;
why did this come last?
It’s the center of my foolishness in every relationship, I never took time out to discover myself, to know who I am and who I am In Christ, to know what I want and I’m looking for in a man, all this can only be discovered in the place of singleness, Where you get to be whole and complete without any man to rely on, where you can stand on your own and wait on God to send the right person, where your discernment will be sharpened and you will know when you see the right person or when the devil is flying arrows in the form of men.
Sadly, a number of us don’t escape this mistake!
The next time someone says to you, “I love you,” try answering by asking, “But do you love you?”
~ Myles Munroe
Before you love others, you must love yourself and you can’t love yourself if you haven’t been single.
Don’t wait for people to make you appreciate yourself, don’t be crazy about others validation of you. Find out what God says about you, what He says you are and what you think of yourself.
You should not need someone else to make you whole, and you definitely should not enter into a marriage(relationship) in which the other person needs you to make him or her whole. Nobody has time to be dealing with an empty or half-empty spouse.
The truth is I have made more than four mistakes in my relationships and I can’t even begin to tell you all of them, some I’m ignorant of but I’m glad I shared this and if you are on any of these tables, walk away from it.
- Before going into any relationship make sure you have learnt to be single and you have discovered yourself.
- Seek counsel and submit your relationship to authorities you honour.
- Learn to be an amazing helpmate and not a burden.
- Don’t chase the man, let him find you worth it, and let him be willing to stay and make it work.