Last week I was privileged to have an interview section with Ele Ameh and we discussed some of the trending questions on love relationships.
Today, She’s here to answer some of these questions and give us some helpful tips on love relationships. So, let’s welcome Ele Ameh😊
Thank you Lima, my name is Ele Ameh and I’m currently a final year Civil Law student of Ahmadu Bello University. I am from Kogi state but then I live in Zaria, Kaduna State for now.
what do you love the most about civil law and what other thing are you passionate about?
Well, Law is quite an interesting course and all lawyers are not liars contrary to popular belief, lol. One thing I love about Law is the critical thinking and applied reasoning aspect of it. The idea of intelligently applying the law to different situations. My favorite course so far is Intellectual Property Law.
However, my first love is psychology. I love psychology, most especially social psychology. Right from when i was really young i had a flair for just observing people and trying to understand why they do the things they do. I’m passionate about helping people understand their unique self and harnessing that knowledge into building a fulfilling life.
I don’t know if I believe all lawyers are not liars though but I do believe in you ma’am 😁😁😁😁
LOL, thank you Lima.
Well, lately I have had complains from a lot of ladies about men rushing the friendship stage and giving off wrong signals and at the end it amounts to nothing, what do you have to say about this?
1. flash in the pan relationship?
A flash in the pan relationship is one that disappoints by failing to deliver value or commitment.
Well, it may not be easy to say conclusively why two people who seem to be in love become complete strangers but it does depend on different factors.
1. It could be that the girl gave off signs of desperation, which most often scares guys away or he suddenly discovered that he didn’t really like her.
2. He is not ready for a serious relationship and was probably just enjoying the moment.
3. He might just be dealing with personal issues.
It would be easier to tell when you know the specific circumstances.
How can we avoid jumping into a flash in the pan relationship?
First of all, be whole and secure in yourself. Love and appreciate yourself. See yourself as an asset to whoever you would date. So you don’t become desperate, thinking that any guy that comes along will be doing you favour by asking you out.
When you and a guy start becoming close and it’s obvious that there’s a potential relationship there. Seek to build a healthy friendship and get to know him but set boundaries. Try to avoid being so close in a way that’s reserved for people who are dating.
This leads me to my next point;
Do not commit your heart to a guy until he has openly made his intention to commit to you known. Avoid undefined relationships. There’s been a trend where a guy and a girl become friends and get so close, they behave like people in a relationship. The only thing missing is that they’ve not officially declared that they are dating (Pastor Laju Iren calls it Situationship, lol). This could lead and has led to a lot of heartbreaks.
An undefined relationship is like driving a car on a strange road not knowing where you are going to. You keep putting in investment to no end and you don’t know what to expect.
How to walk away from a flash in the pan relationship
Okay, first things first. Be honest with yourself and come to terms with the risk of heartbreak involved in being in an undefined relationship. This will motivate you to do something about the situation.
After this, have an honest and mature conversation with the guy. Now remember that your approach matters a whole lot here.
Try not to come across as demanding. Simply politely and maturely make him understand that you have noticed how close you guys have gotten lately and you wouldn’t like to pretend that’s it’s normal. So while you’re not asking for a commitment or relationship, you would really like to know where your friendship is headed. This is a good time to know his intentions towards you. If he really likes you and wants something serious with you, he would let you know. Men know what they want and they usually go for it. If he is really serious about you, he won’t leave you hanging.
Last month Twitter went crazy on talking stage, apparently it is a stage where people who intend to date are getting to know each other
2. So my question is, is talking stage necessary, if it is then how long should it last?
I believe every relationship should be built on friendship because yes, the sparks will fly, emotions will be all over the place and you will be head over heels for each other but soon enough all that will go down to an extent. One of the things that will keep you going is genuine friendship. It’s not only important that you love your partner but that you also like them, they are two different things.
Now to me, the “talking stage” serves as a period where you and a potential partner get to communicate, spend time with each other and get to know each other better. It’s hard to put a specific time frame to it but I believe this period should be as long as you guys have gotten to know each other sufficiently to decide if you’re right for each other or not.
3. Should we continue to be friends with our exes?
Should we hate them,or should we keep them far away? If the person wants to continue communicating keeping them far away means pushing them, what should we do in this situation ma?
You probably must have heard the popular saying, “it’s a thin line between love and hate”. It’s not uncommon to see two people who were head over heels for each other suddenly turn complete strangers and even enemies. I know a lot of break ups usually end badly leaving both parties with a lot of ill feelings which seem justified most of the time but then I’m a lover of God and i try to let my philosophy concerning life be guided by His word.
Now the Bible tells us to owe no man nothing but love, this means as a believer you don’t have the right to hate anyone not even your ex who may seem like the devil.
I know it seems hard but God is love and if we stay with Him, He knows how to rub off that nature on us. However, let me say this; love is a command but association is not. How close you and your ex should be depends on the circumstances surrounding your breakup but it’s always best to keep a healthy distance especially if they are not over you or you are not over them or they were a toxic influence in your life.
Even if they are responsible and reasonable people and your break up wasn’t a messy one and you’re both over each other. For the sake of your next relationship, it’s still best to keep a healthy distance.
This does not mean you should treat them poorly but you should let them know that they no longer have the same space in your life but please note that in certain situations it’s important to cut off all ties with the person. For example, if they were very toxic or abusive.
While guarding your heart and enjoying your singleness, you happen to meet a guy and he’s your type. You guys dived into a relationship, are you supposed to love him and still guard your heart cause Some people go to the extent of saying a woman ain’t supposed to love, so question number four:
4. Is it the man’s duty to love the woman more?
Lol, first of all i would love to say that loving is not something that is exclusive to men alone. A relationship is like a partnership, the bible says “can two work together except they be agreed?”. The love of your man alone is not enough to sustain your relationship. Even your relationship with God requires you to love God back.
Guarding your heart in this context seems to insinuate trying to avoid a heartbreak and this is a valid concern.
I believe it may be a response springing from insecurity due to heartbreaks experienced in previous relationships or vicariously through other people’s relationships. Nevertheless, i would like you to understand that love is a risk or should i say it requires a level of faith.
God loved us wholeheartedly even when it wasn’t guaranteed that we would love him back. However, please this is absolutely not a license to commit your heart to just anybody. The word, wisdom, principles and direction of God are in place to mitigate the risk involved.
All i’m trying to say is; do not be scared to love. Once you are certain that your man is a genuinely good person who loves and fears God, who loves you passionately and also meets other scriptural criteria; if you truly like him and you have the leading of God, please don’t be scared to love him wholeheartedly. Commit yourself to God and rest in the truth that he knows you, he loves you and he will give you the best. There is no fear in love.
A guy was telling me somethings, apparently he is the social type and he has a lot of female friends due to the nature of his job, it’s actually expected!
So one lady was dating him in her mind and he didn’t know about it, I mean he calls her but that was it for him. Just friends! I think this needs to be addressed so we ladies can stop hurting ourselves. So this leads us to question number five;
5. Is it okay for a lady to ask the man what he wants from her?
Right, this is something that happens a lot. A guy and a girl get cordial and one of them starts to make assumptions. What i will say here is, ladies never assume, a relationship is never built on assumption but on commitment, openly declared commitment. There should be no gray areas so that you do not end up dating someone who isn’t dating you and end up heartbroken as a result.
My Final words
There’s a whole lot i would love to say but let just say a few;
1. Learn to love and value yourself. Be confident in who you are while you pursue growth and development.
2. Know that your life does not revolve around your partner. Find something meaningful you are passionate about to invest yourself into.
3. Build yourself to be an asset to your partner or future partner.
4. For those still searching, commit yourself to God and be patient while he builds you into an exceptional woman worthy of an exceptional man. Never settle for less!
5. And if you’re already blessed to be in a relationship, know that while there are general principles for a successful relationship. Every relationship is unique, study and adjust to your partner (without losing yourself of course) and submit to the wisdom and direction of the Holy Spirit.
Thank you for having me☺️
Lima’s blog: you are welcome ma’am ♥️