“Camila, I don’t think this is working. I mean us, we don’t work.” He moved away from her, avoiding any possible eye contact. Being married for just five years and all hell is let loose over their lives, what happened to the young and beautiful woman he had met in college, what happened to the love and life they promise to share.
To love forever, together no matter what, till death do them part but right now he was more willing to run a race of divorce than remain on the track of saving his vows to her. All the promises he made, that beautiful Saturday. No one glowed like her, her sun-kissed skin,bow tie lips,brown eyes and a black ironed straight hair. All the curves in the right places, the edges on her face, now all her presence does is to push him to the edge of pain, frustration and anger. “Is this the end lord?”
Had he not watched his parents? How well his Dad cherished his mum, she meant more than the world to him , “Am I not the son of my father. Lord please help me,save my marriage,save my home. Give me another chance if you can, for I can no longer bare the sight of the woman you have placed in my life. Please Jesus!”
“I think you are right Michael, I’m sorry, I have tried my best. Maybe its better if you we walk away from the promises we made in the presence of God.” She said as she adjusted the sleeping child on her back. “Maybe we will do well without each other.”
Few months back he was dying to hear her say the words and agree to the idea of splitting up but here, right now her words sank into his heart tearing every piece of it. “Is this the end Lord?” leaning on the kitchen wall, with his arms around his chest “I love you Camila, I swear I do.” his body was shaking vigorously, trying to maintain his posture and not let down his pride (men don’t cry) ” I just don’t know how we got here, what happened to us. It feels like the love we once shared vanished, where did it go Camila? You no longer make my heart get a lift when you walk pass me I don’t feel anything, when you stand naked in front my eyes I feel nothing, I’m not moved anymore Camila.” He let out a huge sigh “I’m sorry.”
The euphoria of love…
All around the world hundreds and thousands of people are getting divorced because they don’t know what to do when love fades, you and I are planning to get married.
This is of course one of the reasons I write, to tell you what the world won’t tell you and what the church keep away from saying. Does love fade?
Does it have to end?
What am I supposed to do when love fails?
Does sex save a marriage?
What should I do when my secretary is more appeasing than my wife?
I think I have feelings for my man’s best friend and all other sort of challenging questions towards the aspect of relationships.
The truth is love does fade…
My pastor,pastor Ejimi always quotes “love is blind but marriage will open your eyes.” Very true,because when your eyes open you would see beyond the horizon. it means that whatever made or blocked your vision has no hold over you again and you can see the world clearly.
Just like it takes time to love completely,it also takes time for love to fade. Its not a one night thing, trouble, challenge or bewilderment, the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about or get rid of didn’t just appear at once.
One of the reasons love fades is because most people base their affection for one on feelings, if you calculate love on the grounds of feelings I’m afraid the numbers will never match up, you will end up getting a negative sign each day.
Love takes two to grow, during the process of dating or maybe long enough to the bed of marriage love does fade, you don’t have the feeling at that particular peak any more and for men this is bad and can be dangerous because at that moment they start to look for something new and more appealing. A woman can endure and persevere, stick around till the end even if she doesn’t love you anymore.
The question is how do you prevent this from happening?
Myles Munroe will say “men see love from the stand point of respect. while you want to be loved as a woman you must understand and respect him, his decisions and ideas. It’s easy to argue with your man and try to prove a point to him but do it without tarnishing his ego, a man doesn’t need a woman who can’t honor his words. Remember that both of you were made in the image of God and you must respect this.
His opinion counts:
No matter how stupid or foolish his ideas are, don’t just throw it at his feet and make him feel less about himself, you are a helpmate to improve his self esteem and not damage it. Create a nice way of telling him how much you appreciate his opinions but you two need something better.
Camila is a freelance model, she doesn’t feel like her work both as a mother and a model is valued by her husband. This also is applicable in dating,most of the challenges young adult face in a relationship is lack of support from their partners.
Support your partners dreams, visions and purpose. We all are looking for a spouse with purpose, whats the point if you can’t carry the weight along with him or her?
Understanding each others love language goes a long way In support, if his love language is physical touch and all you can do while he is working Is to hold on to him, sit next to him, say words of encouragement, do it and do it well.
One love language we all have in common is act of service, I personally feel It covers all the others. When you help your partner work, you spend quality time with them, you tend to say words like: thank you, well done, good job, you did the work sweetly. This are words of affirmation, if you work on it, it will surely grow!
Beyond the fact that every woman think it’s romantic to have her man play with the kids, let me tell you a secret, deep inside we want you guys to help, help with the cooking, once in a while do the washing, serve us breakfast in bed, a romantic dinner won’t hurt. Bathing the kids is extremely cute and helping with the diapers is just perfect…
No man wants a negative woman, a woman who can’t encourage his moves and support his actions. Be a woman that makes her man feel light, let all his worries drop down when he sees your smile or hear your voice.
And when he’s going through a tough time don’t be all over his face, give him time and while you do that, pray for him. To be honest it is not easy to be a man, they have to hold in a lot of things and carry every problem (like a man). He doesn’t have the luxury to sulk and wine. Be that luxury for him.
Be a help mate and not a hell mate…
Finally be passionate,
You are not expected to keep falling forever, so choose to grow in love. Let passion be the drive for you to keep going when it gets tough. We always have the choice to quit. Jesus did too but he pushed through. What my Daddy Jesus saw on the cross wasn’t just you and I whom he loves, he saw us the ones he was very passionate about…
There is so much I want to still write to you but for now go through this:
- His/her decision counts
- Support your partner
- be positive
I am always here to listen to you and hear your opinions on love, relationship, family and kingdom lifestyle. Why? Because I am passionate about our lives, I want you to get it right…