In my second year at the university, I met this pretty amazing friend and I loved her so much. She was dear to me, I loved her relationship with God and with her man. And at some point her and her bae became my couple crush, I was dying to have a relationship like hers. A man who reverence God and cherished me with all his substance. I saw that in both of them, and it became my prayer point. Lord send me a man after your heart. My God!
Not until one night after my study, she walked into my room and called for me. Tired and overwhelmed from my day’s work I missed the pain in her eyes. Well, I loved to hug a lot, so I reached out for her when we stepped out and gave a mi tired kind of hug but I noticed she lasted, she didn’t want to let go and when I was about to ravage the moment by complaining and telling her to let go before she squeezed all of me, I noticed her enraged breath and I felt warm tears on my back. Oh my God! She was in pain, and I missed it, I never miss people’s moment, I mean I try to always be sensitive.
“ oh my God, I’m sorry…” I squeezed back in an attempt to comfort her. “What’s wrong?”
For a moment we just stayed there, she couldn’t say a word and I just closed my eyes and prayed with her, whatever was happening was big cause I have never seen her that way before, we are not even the crying kind of close.
“He’s wedded Lima!” Was the only thing she was able to say. A lot of questions ran through my mind, who was married, why is she crying, marriage is supposed to be good news right? What’s up?
“My boyfriend… he is married. He has a wife. And two kids. He is married Lima”
“I’m so sorry darling, I’m sorry…”
So that was it, he lied to her, for a year and a half. Who does that? Really? My friend was crushed, damaged, and in pain and it took more than a year to undo everything he did. It’s easy to heal when your relationship goes sour, but when you wake up to a call from another woman warning you off, I don’t know how that feels, but I was there when she was fighting to own herself back, and I can tell you that it wasn’t beautiful.
Befriending a married man, yes or no?
Married men are also humans, they also want friendship and they also want to meet new people. So, should we be friends with them? Should we always be conversing with them? Should we call or respond to their calls?
I totally agree that married men are humans and they want to be loved, valued and appreciated. I mean, it’s a general skill, the people skills. But you need to conduct yourself wisely. Myles Munroe In one of his messages said ‘respect marriage’, and that is what we are going to talk about. I have loved, valued, and honored people within my own space without being all over their faces. Don’t assume everyone has the same kind of discipline and self-control as you do. Yes, don’t. We are helped by God and we are still growing but respect marriage. Understand your boundaries, give people space. I have friends I’m very close to, and eventually they get married or even get engaged and I have to distance myself. That doesn’t mean I hate them but they are in the phase of their life where the devil can use any opportunity they give him, and also marriage is a very sensitive thing.
Call them when you need to, chat them up when there is a need for it, all my married friends that I’m close to, I know both of them, both the man and the woman and I’m always sure to talk to them and check on them from time to time, but you don’t find me all over their faces. And when there is a need to meet, I go over and we have our meeting with the family, I make sure your wife is comfortable with it. The fact that his married doesn’t mean his eyes are blind, he is still going to see and look at attractive ladies.
How should I dress when visiting
Whether we have to meet at home or you need my service as a married man one thing I assure that I do is to dress very appropriate. I don’t give you a reason to wonder what my body looks like without clothes, I don’t give you a reason to stare and make me start adjusting my clothes. No, I dress excellently and beautifully. You don’t expect to dress all naked and expect him to not look. Sometimes he is not suffering from lack of discipline, sometimes the problem is not the man, it’s you. I used to jokingly tell my friends and they know I mean it when you come to my home looking half-naked, you won’t even get to see the sitting room, you are driving back home.
Dating a married man
Toh, if you are on this table. We need to pray after this post. What on earth are you thinking? What ever you don’t have respect for won’t respect you! When you play around other people’s marriage, life will shock you. Life is very balance, what goes around comes around. You are going to reap every single thing you sow, it is by mercy that we are saved. How do you date a married man and expect to be saved, uhmm? What are you even after? Money? Sex?
I believe life is spiritual, and every thing happens In the spirit realm first before it manifests in the physical. But babe, the will of God for your life is not to be a side chick, No! You are God’s own main chick. When you know your place in Christ you are going to stop stressing about a lot of things.
Who are you?
Know who you are and stop tossing around being a baggage, cause that’s what a side chick is. Ask God for mercy and pick your shoes, walk away from that cycle.
He is my ex but he’s married
That’s a good enough reason to cut out! He is your ex and you might still be vulnerable to him, so what are you looking for, what are you doing with his contact, what are you doing going on dates with him, exactly what? No one is saying to hate him but to be wise and careful. You are going to be the next person he thinks of when things go wrong in his home, and you might think you are just being of help until you find yourself entangled. When he is having a problem he should go to God, go to the authority he submits to, go to his parent or hers and better still sit and talk about it and pray with her. You are not your ex-relationship counselor.
He’s my best friend but he’s married
Wow…. so he mean his wife is not good enough to be his best friend, I’m going to write a post on male besties. I have male friends that I’m close to and after they got married I became a family friend, I visit them once in a while, I call them, video calls and we talk with the family and they both come around to visit sometimes and it’s beautiful. Don’t hold on in the name of besties to a married, he is married let him go, you should have done that the moment he started the relationship. What really is cheating? A married man doesn’t need to be sleeping with another woman to cheat on his wife, No! So, just In case you’re spending excess time together and you comfort yourself with the excuse that you have no odd intentions, my dear he is cheating with you!
How do we cheat on God? Have you ever stopped to think about it? We cheat on God by idolizing other things, by putting them first before him, same goes for marriage, if he puts you first before her, he is cheating. If he cares for your needs more than hers, he has no regard for her. Please allow men to enjoy the wives of their youth.
I would love to continue but I’m not a fan of reading long posts, so I try to make mine short. I might continue in another blog post. See you next time.
Your stellar blogger, Lima♥️♥️♥️
Oh yes, I have a new podcast on anchor and I think you might want to listen to it. Friend Zone, Toxic Relationships and the Act of Ghosting with Mirya Joy Sabo