I feel like addressing this post to our super amazing parents but before I do so, sit down and let’s have a talk.
Good morning aunties and uncles. I understand you have been seeing bae and you know boo is going to ask the question and kneel the knees but, please understand that we are in an era were our weddings are our families victory parades to show the world what God has done for them. And I believe they are doing it out of all sincerity and kindness, but there are somethings we have to start correcting. (you heard me right, CORRECTING IS THE WORD) I assume you have imagined the slap that will grace your face when you tell your African parents you want to correct them. LOL
You get the chance to sell bae/boo when you take them home to introduce them, and how you do so matters a lot. If you introduce your man as a hardworking man, your families are going to grow up seeing him as one. If you introduce him as a poor man, they are going to see him as one, if you introduce him as if though you are doing him a favor by marrying him, they are going to live forever treating him that way. So take introducing your spouse as a way to brand him. You have the opportunity to do it personally.
I have read articles about weddings, what they don’t tell you is the stress that comes with tying the knots, the stress the man goes through to meet your family demands, and while he is trying not to buy you, your family keep selling you off. Help your man! Don’t let them kill him!!!
When boo is receiving 50,000 Naira per month and your parents present him with just introduction item list of 500,000 Naira, what do you think boo will think of them. Don’t give your spouse the wrong ideas and don’t act dumb when the day comes. Boo hasn’t been dating your parents, he has been in a relationship with you.
I discussed with a friend some helpful tips on how to get past that without causing any African drama and getting disappointed by your parents and by boo. So dear sisters, read with breaks:
Speak to your man
Before bringing boo and his parents home to pluck the ripe fruit their son has seen on your family tree, sit and talk.
Yes, I expect you to be In a relationship where both of you are not afraid to be honest about anything. Give him heads up, let him have an idea what to expect from your family, do some research about your traditions and what their marriage rites are. It is better to come prepared than less prepared, so that boo and his parents will not leave annoyed and disappointed and you might still have to follow boo to beg because you know your parents went overboard and you are tired of sitting at home.
Talk to your parents
Talk to your parents: the Bible says to honor your father and mother so that you may live long. So when I say talk to your parents, be reminded that I know the scriptures well and I expect you to obey every single word.
I started talking to my mum about marriage recently, well I’m not getting married, at least not now just incase you are asking. But I have been making my own investigations and research; and I figured somethings I’m not quite comfortable with, so you can imagine how boo would feel. I asked my mum if we could make some adjustments and though the first day she didn’t agree to most of my ideas, but we have had the discussion three times already and guess what? Mum is open to new ideas and dropping some of the things I’m not comfortable with. I told her they ain’t selling me off o and they need to relax a little bit. Why did I tell you all this story? Because I want you to know that it won’t happen at once. Some of you just wait until he proposes and he is ready to come with his parents before you have the talk. Well, get ready to be blown away by different shades of surprises, you and boo be looking at them like, ‘seriously?’
Be sincere and honest, don’t assume he would sort things out.
Be sincere and honest and don’t assume he will sort things out. I’m not saying to carry the matter on your head but you agree with me when I say that you at least know how much bae is earning, even when he acts all macho and ‘I have got it all’ type of man. Please have it in the back of your mind that you know and understand your parents more than boo and you know how to speak to them. Address some things before boo comes. Have a personal meeting with your parents, if they are the kind of parents to likely go overboard, follow them gently until boo can marry you without breaking his back.
Don’t live carelessly, start saving!
Don’t live carelessly, start saving. The only thing some women are good at is maintenance. You don’t have a job and you enjoy using your parents money and boo’s money for maintenance, your hair is fleek, your nails are on point and your face is up-to date with all the MAC products and your marriage savings is -0, I hope your prayer, fasting and faith bank is filled enough to support boo and call fort helpers if you are going to live that way. Don’t just support him in prayers and fasting, support him in financing some part of it. Even when boo is fully loaded and has it all, a little here and there will mean so much to him. He is not marrying a woman to keep at home, he is marrying a help-meet, you can start helping on your wedding plans.
You know how we ladies put it ‘if the man is stingy and doesn’t give you money outside marriage, he won’t give you a dime when you are in’. well, I also think if you don’t know how to support boo boo in your own little way outside marriage, you won’t help him inside, if you enjoy using bae money for manicure and pedicure, the first thing that will come to your mind is what you enjoy doing. It takes more than self to build a home. If you can’t help boo financially at least try not to break his back.
I know your families are excited. And, all of a sudden those aunties and uncles that were always broke when it’s time to pay your fees now suddenly have a savings full of great ideas on how to make that day memorable. It’s their wedding my sister, but it’s your marriage. If they break his back, you will live to heal those wounds everyday.
Let me make it brief and easy to understand:
- Don’t let your family break his back. Talk to him about the big day and your budgets.
- Talk to your parents and tell them about your wedding plans and budgets.
- Be honest and sincere.
- Finally, don’t live carelessly, save up my sisters