Waging War Against Forgiveness
Finally won the battle in my mind, dragged myself to the shower and prepared for church. Slipped into a leggings, yellow T-shirt, and a pair of snickers.
Walked halfway to the church under the hot sun that was making me sweat like a marathon runner.
The thing is I haven’t been able to pull myself out of my room for the past few day.,
At some point I felt like I was carrying a heavy stone on my chest! I knew what the problem was, where it originated from, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it I actually knew what to do about it!
Needed to forgive the people that had hurt me badly in the past few days but somehow I wasn’t ready to do it, I wasn’t ready to let it go.
I wanted to punish them in my own way, but I was hurting myself, and they were living ignorant of their deeds.
To be honest, forgiveness is one of the most difficult thing to do. Because we are humans, and we are learning every day to let go and let God, but sometimes we just want to let go of His ways and do it our way.
I couldn’t get myself to take my eyes off the problem and focus on God, so for a while, I decided to lay low and worship at home.
To be honest, forgiveness is tough
I walked into church with a heavy heart, I just wanted to do the do’s and take off. Sat at the back, until I had to move forward.
The worship was amazing, I enjoyed praying, and I felt like someone gave me a hand.
Someone was helping me hold the stone on my chest until I was willing to let it go!
I took a deep breathe when asked to close our eyes, and speak to the Holy Spirit, my stubbornness and unforgiving heart created a distance between I and God for a while.
I was afraid to talk to him because I knew he would make me let it go in His own way. So I refused to close my eyes, and I looked straight into the preacher’s eyes through my glasses.
It’s easy to tell people to forgive when they are going through what you haven’t been through, it’s easy to tell people to let it go when you haven’t held it before. It’s easier said than done!
I listened to the lyrics of the song he sang.
Every word filled me up with hope, faith, and love, until I was gracefully broken.
With eyes closed, I carefully mouthed the lyrics. Then I finally said it “ I want to but I don’t know how to, please help me to forgive. I am sorry for holding on for so long, please help me to let it go”
That broke me, it broke my pride, sweetened my bitterness, and poured water on the coal that was burning inside of me! And I asked him to help me to forgive seven times until I knew that instant that it was over and that the burden was no longer mine to bear.
Life is a journey, a process and we are going to have to go through every process that is meant to strengthen us. I used to think I’d perfected the act of forgiveness, I used to think I had lost the ability to get offended
But for the past few days I was caged by offense, and I wasn’t able to free myself.
What happened to me is a lesson and a reminder that we are assisted by the Holy Spirit, it’s a reminder that no matter how far we’ve have come, we can still fall.
Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take head lest he fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12 KJV
- You can never outgrow the process so, brace up and face it.
- God will never give you more than you can bear
- If you are going through it, it’s because you have been equipped for it
- Christianity is not perfection, enjoy the process.
- When you get to a bridge you can’t cross, remember that you were not supposed to go through it alone. Lean on him!
- When you are unable to forgive he won’t forsake you, trust him and he will heal you into forgiveness.
- You are never too anointed to be offended.
- Love is a miracle, it helps you stay sane.
- Un-forgiveness dries you up, weighs you downs, and hurts you. That’s too much punishment to bear, let it go!!!
When your flesh refuses to do what your spirit is supposed to do, pray!
Don’t try to get even
“Don’t secretly hate any of your neighbors. But tell them openly what they have done wrong so that you will not be just as guilty of sin as they are. Forget about the wrong things people do to you. Don’t try to get even. Love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:17-18 ERV
I am fine, I am strong, I am chosen, I am redeemed, and I have forgiven because I am forgiven. Are you?
What is that one thing you find difficult to let go of?
Are you carrying any weight you shouldn’t be carrying? Do you want to let go? Or you want to share it with someone?
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Love, Lima 🧚🏽♀️