Every single conversation I have with ladies ends up a pre-wedding , marital or a how all my friends are getting married and I am still here…. And so?
so I asked my dear friend, why are women in a rush to get married?
My dear, its largely due to societal and parental pressure. In Nigeria, no matter what your achievement is as a woman, once you are still a “miss”, You are a nobody.
How it is perceived
Its seen as a sign that you are not submissive enough for a man to accommodate you under his roof.
When you decide to marry and not chase your dreams, it’s seen as an awesome goal. Better to be mediocre and married than be successful and alone.
I feel this is all a ploy of the devil to make women weak and vulnerable. To abort all the potential that GOD has put in us.
Marriage is honorable, but it should not be seen as the only thing that defines your life.
A great man said this once to me ,”
Faustina as much as you desire marriage, desire to leave the best of your life too, When you marry without purpose, you will get bored. Sex and a man cannot satisfy the void in you.
GOD designed every man to be fulfilled in him (GOD) and in the pursuit of his purpose. When you stick to this, every other thing will follow, marriage being first on the list.
Ecc 4: 8–12.
This is the case of a man who is all alone, without a child or a brother, yet who works hard to gain as much wealth as he can. But then he asks himself, “Who am I working for? Why am I giving up so much pleasure now?” It is all so meaningless and depressing.
9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
what is marriage?
Marriage is not something you enter because you feel that you are tired of being single.
Or a ticket to escape mockery and feel among.
According to scriptures…
1. you both
are cleaving together to become one flesh. ( companionship)
2. You are helping each other build a life (purpose).
3. then start a family together ( legacy).
If you have not factored all this into your marriage process. I think you should go on a retreat and carry out a self evaluation analysis and start working on yourself asap,Male and female.
Companionship – involves compatibility of ideas, values, mindsets, paradigms. If you are not compatible. Its only a matter of time before it falls down like a pack of cards.
Because, you both cannot reason on the same level and can cause a lot of friction in your marriage
Purpose – clearly, men are purpose driven and they are goal oriented, its wired into their being. If you cannot contribute actively as a help meet to his purpose. He will get bored and tired with time.
You should be a help meet, spiritually, emotionally (help him when he is down – men have emotions too.) , intellectually. He needs your input, and financially (money is still a powerful force)
Even in marriage.
The truth is helping a man is a sign of respect ( that’s how they mostly interpret love) and in turn he will definitely reciprocate it by helping you too.
Helping you grow, helping you achieve your dreams, and loving you more.
Legacy – scripture says a good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children
An inheritance is beyond money. Money is part of it. We have seen rich kids go wild and loose all their wealth. An inheritance includes teaching them about GOD: the fear of GOD, the love of GOD, their inheritance in Christ , helping them overcome low self-esteem as they grow in God less societies.
Teaching them the values of character and the ability to stand for what is Right in the midst of wrongs, Holding their convictions strong and financial intelligence.
I feel this is something every parent owe their children in the world,especially Christian parents,for many children are falling for the tricks of the devil through peer pressure.
Intimacy – this is also a fundamental part of marriage,Sexual intimacy is very important as instituted by GOD.
The marriage bed being undefiled,
GOD created us to have and enjoy sex in marriage not outside marriage. So couples should do all they can to enjoy each other because they are stuck together under GOD (obviously).
Your body is no longer yours alone once you are married. It now belongs to you and your husband. So please feel free to explore each other.
If the man gains weight and you don’t like it as a woman, put him on a diet. If the woman gains weight and you don’t like it, put her on a diet. Help each other achieve the bodies you desire for each other.
Refuse to be stuck in the myth that says
your wife has gone stale, go and hunt for fresh meat.
It is a lie! The woman you are going to meet out there is also someone else’s stale food.
Look for exciting ways to make your sexual intimacy fresh.
Find each other’s soft spot and explore it well for intimacy,Some people call it “mumu button“.
Spirituality – a family that prays together stays together – popular saying.
But don’t forget that a 3 fold cord cannot easily be broken. This 3 fold cord is you, your spouse and GOD.
your entire marriage journey must be built on GOD.
IF not, it will crash like a pack of cards
This 3 fold cord is the most important of all
– it is the key to love and intimacy, compatibility and companionship, cleaving together and building together, purpose and legacy.
What to look out for…
Marriage is honorable, but finding the perfect spouse is a myth. Nobody is perfect
I personally feel the key to look out for in a person is teachability.
A person who is teachable is open to learn and grow.
Sometimes Mr perfect is already too perfect to see all the flaws in him and even when it is pointed out to him, he is full of himself to admit it or change.
I also think for men. Being visionary is very important. Because having a helpmeet that has nothing to help in your life is useless.
And besides, responsible women are attracted to visionary men naturally,
Tolerance is very important, you are beginning life with someone who is not you, who is getting to know you and who will be stuck with you forever and who is also not perfect.
For the process of cleaving to be complete, tolerance is very important,Marriage is a lot of work dear ladies. Biko stop rushing🙏🙏🙏.
You have to make yourself more valuable to your man than the girl next door,
Ask yourself what makes you better than a maid?
I see people looking at the criteria to pick a wife and they are checking if she can clean or cook well or if she has fine face and fine shape, if she is good in bed.
Ladies checking a man out and they are looking to know if he has money, or he is good in bed? Kotinue
These criterion is very necessary but it is not the ultimate in marriage. Your wife can learn to cook, clean, and even be better in bed if she is taught,she can only be taught if she is teachable.
While your husband can also be taught to make more money, or be better in bed, he can build all the muscles he needs if he is teachable. But there are things that must not be compromised,Things that will last for a lifetime,Things that must be the basic foundation of your marriage.
That marriage is a failed project from the start. I think we should focus on those things first and treat others secondarily,
As for the pressure to get married, statistics has shown that men now prefer to marry successful and hardworking women than women who are idle (no one wants liability).
I don’t believe men and women are equal in marriage,In the eyes of GOD, We are equal, in Christ, we are equal.
But in marriage we are not equal..
The man is the head
The woman is the next
In the same way that Christ is the head of the Church.
what more can I say😀😀😀why rush when you can rest,pray and have faith. while having faith, study search and discover all that God has install for marriage.
I don’t think you will be rushing when you have all the keys to unlock every matrimonial door.
I am Faustina okomayin, writer, blogger, Baker, single and not rushing 😘😘😄